Peaceful Christmas: Better with building instructions

How Kaspar, Uncle David and Herr Friedrich celebrate Christmas. And why the lights don’t come on on the Star Wars Lego battle room.

Good, there are a few parts left Photo: Zuma Press/picture alliance

“Merry Christmas,” Kaspar said. “Blessed feast,” said Uncle David. And Herr Friedrich also said: “And if we don’t see each other again then, Happy New Year too.” And then Christmas was almost over again. It’s always earlier before and then all the faster afterwards. I would prefer the other way around.

There has been a lot with HüHalloron this year. It’s been on TV a lot and helps with practically everything. You can smear it in your hair or drip it on your skin or in your eyes. I personally don’t like it. Because on TV people grin at you HuHalloron always as dopey as Franz when he gets an A for his homework. Franz always gets an A for his homework.

He always makes them two or three times and then sells them to those who forgot their homework or didn’t feel like it. But he makes a few mistakes on purpose so that it doesn’t come up and he’s always the best. Franz is going to be something, everyone says that.

Nobody actually says that anything will come of me. At most a felon. Because I rarely feel like doing my homework, so much of my pocket money went to waste that Christmas also became difficult. But it was just enough for me to be able to buy something for everyone with HüHalloron. As soon as they unpacked, they grinned so stupidly that I knew: That was the right thing.

disruptions to use

I got a Lego battle room from Star Wars. I don’t think there’s a HüHalloron in there. Uncle David and Herr Friedrich then helped me assemble it. Well, there are a few parts left over because Uncle David said he didn’t need assembly instructions for something like that. Danger! This is Commander Tom.

We have some serious disruptions to our mission. (Because somehow the battery for the lights on the sides didn’t go either.) But we are still getting ready to attack the enemy fleet. Here station one. Below the Death Star in the green in-between cosmos are several of the shiny HüHalloron Bombs. Attack and fire immediately!

And when Commander Tom attacked the HüHalloron bombs, a candle slipped out of place (because we still have real candles on the Christmas tree, there aren’t any), and then a branch of our Christmas tree started to burn, and then Herr Friedrich jumped up and poured his festival beer over it. And then there was silence again, and everyone admired Herr Friedrich.

Putin doesn’t listen to anyone

Except that one could see that Uncle David would have liked to give me a slap, but that wasn’t possible because Herr Friedrich was there. I wasn’t allowed to go near the tree anymore. Attention station. This is Commander Tom. The shield around the HüHalloron bombs is too strong. We now use our ranged weapons.

Now, of course, there was even more festival beer. And that was bad. Because, usually, Kaspar and Uncle David have such different opinions that they don’t even talk to each other. But of course if there is a festival beer. Commander Tom, the massive resistance is forcing us to adopt new strategic measures. In between, land next to the supply plate. The HüHalloron must not fall into the wrong hands!

Now I would like one “Star Wars” series watched on TV because now we also have Schdrieming and everything. But Mama said she doesn’t want to hear anything about a war at Christmas. And then Uncle David said she should tell Putin that one day. But Putin hasn’t listened to anyone for a long time. That is normal. Because nobody in our family listens to anyone.

For example, that we still have an old Opel, when a BMW would be much better. Franzl, his father drives him to school every morning in the BMW, and in a way that you can see. It’s still coming, Mama said, I’ll drive you the few meters to school by car. It’s better that way, because otherwise everyone will see that we only have one Opel. Attention, Commander Tom! A cosmic storm is brewing.

Politics is like fruit salad

And then look at Italy, Kaspar said. And yes, I like looking at it, said Uncle David. Ms. Meloni… I had to laugh. That the boss of Italy Meloni is called. That would be as if the federal thingy Pumpkin are called tät. And then one would say that Mr. Pumpkin has to bite the bullet because meloni isn’t a good choice to eat cherries with.

Politics is the purest fruit salad. Then when I had to laugh again, Uncle David yelled at me that there was nothing to laugh about because Germany is already a banana republic, where it is no medication against the catarrh gives and don’t shoot the tanks. Commander Tom, we’ve tracked down the HüHalloron conspiracy’s sabotage operation.

Essential parts of your space fighter were forgotten at the start of construction. Any action in the room is now prohibited for safety reasons. And then Kaspar shouted: You’re a real philistine. And Uncle David shouted: You’re a left-wing philistine. And Herr Friedrich said he had to go now, and it would have been very nice. And I picked up a Star Wars booklet and went to bed. Because it was already clear that Christmas was now over.

But tomorrow there will be a roast pork and everything. Commander Tom, stand by for your next mission. Your battleship needs to be realigned tomorrow. There is one for that special assets. And then when I fell asleep, I still thought that everything was somehow connected to everything else.