IBES 2023: The jungle camp starts brilliantly!

IBES is back! In Australia! In the jungle where it belongs! With all the comeback euphoria, the IBES figurehead is almost forgotten on this Friday evening Daniel Hartwich left the moderation tree house voluntarily. Over the years, the chinchilla family living on his head simply couldn’t cope with the constant drastic time changes from Cologne-Ossendorf to the Australian outback. And then there was the jet lag.

Otherwise there is only good news. Most of the twelve candidates made it into the jungle without any problems. Only Martin Semmelrogge fails – possibly due to the tough entry requirements. His police clearance certificate appears to be more devastating than that of Ben Tewaag and Boris Becker together. As far as criminal records are concerned, the Australian customs authority is probably more meticulous than the AfD’s membership committee. As far as the corona vaccination status and accompanying PCR tests are concerned, Canberra has been so drastically dismantled that in principle even Novak Đoković am jungle camp take part.

Hartwich’s successor as chief tamer in the RTL star arena for D-celebrities with his own clerk at the bankruptcy court is: Jan Köppen. Moderation partner Sonja Zietlow has him swear the “IBES Unser” on a kangaroo testicle in advance in a (warning!) union ritual. Prepared in this way, this (i.e. the Köppen, not the testicles) introduces itself seamlessly to the usual jungle banquet of flat jokes. In his first, well, gag, he “accidentally” finds a Nokia phone from three years ago that still has a bar of battery on it. At least that makes it clear: Markus Mörl, at 63, is not the oldest in the camp. There are jokes present that could be his grandparents. Every second you wait for more gag fireworks from the word game cemetery. Maybe something like “The religious aspect will also be interesting, because there are many insects here in the jungle” – but in vain. probably has RTL decided to ban firecrackers after the events on New Year’s Eve.

Laying battery for legendary sensational quotes

But then it goes straight into the laying battery for legendary sensational quotes. And there are a few pearls that a loyal jungle fan could not wish for more filigree. Cosimo Citiolo knows: “Australia is as big as Cologne”. Sounds a bit like interruptus at first, but basically he’s right: worn-out ex-celebrities hang around everywhere and for a short time a non-noble pseudo-monarch takes over the scepter.

Meanwhile, Jolina Mennen is already suffering from “stress diarrhea” in the opening credits – and Tessa Bergmeier hasn’t even gotten off the plane yet. A poster boy from Neue Deutsche Welle also provides intimate insights into his private life: “I’m Markus Mörl, my stage name is Markus”. Aha. Incidentally, Uli Hoeneß’s favorite food is Nuremberg sausages. Her stage name is Nürnberger. Keyword artist name: Jana Pallaske is now called Jana Urkraft. As the camp officer for talking to trees, her first official act is to bless the beach. In the course of the season she will probably also marry one or the other hedge with a dirt road. But before that, she treats the enthusiastic fan community to a genuine one Edmund Stoiber Moment: “I ask every flower if I may pick it and endure it with gratitude”. At any moment you expect her to get into a main station and arrive in 10 minutes with the Transrapid in Stoiber’s garden, where the two language acrobats execute a flower together.

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