Children ask, the taz answers: Why do adults never cry?

We want to know from children which questions are on their mind. We answer one every week. This question comes from Nora, 6 years old.

Some listen to incessantly sad songs or drink heavily, or both Photo: imagebroker/imago

Dear Nora, Adults sometimes cry too, but they do it less often, and when they do, they often hide their tears. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be as sad or angry as you are — or that they can’t feel pain when they hurt themselves.

But adults believe they can’t just cry when they feel like it. And men especially believe that. They are afraid that others will then think they are are no longer real men, even if that’s nonsense. That’s why some tried to stop even small boys from crying.

Men are then only allowed to cry when their Favorite football team lost or someone from the immediate family has died. Or when they’re really taken with themselves because they’re chancellor or dictator, but that doesn’t happen that often.

As a rule, it is more the case that men who simply cry are assumed to that they would behave like women. Adult women are allowed to cry, but when they do, they’re blamed. It is said, for example, that they are weak or not in control. You see: Crying in adults is not really relaxed.

Crying is a bit like a thunderstorm, isn’t it? There is lightning and thunder, there is a great deal of noise and everything is wet – but afterwards the air is clean and everything is washed clean. It’s also called “cleansing thunderstorm”. You can feel good again.

But the adults who don’t allow themselves to cry, or who don’t dare or have even forgotten how to cry, desperately search for a lightning rod instead, but that doesn’t always work so well either. Some hear incessantly sad songs (“Don’t cry for love”; “Who’s going to cry when you break up”) or drink a lot of alcohol or both.

yes the adults As you probably know from your own experience, they always have to control everything. Whether the front door is closed, whether you’ve brushed your teeth properly and don’t turn on the light again, even though you’re already in bed. But they often control themselves even worse, so badly that they forbid their tears or hide them even though they are suffering. And that’s really crying. When you grow up, you definitely won’t have to imitate them.